Dreamer is a beautiful horse, very spunky. I could see that he was a challenge. He had extra locks on his gate because he had figured out how to slide the latch and escape. I was at my friend Janice’s to visit and attend an event. It was a small group and we each chose a horse to spend some time with. Lynn went in with Dreamer, she thought it would be fun. I watched as Dreamer pushed Lynn around and gave her a run for her money. Something inside me was telling me I would spend time with Dreamer but I wasn’t sure I wanted to. So I decided to pick Holly for my first encounter the day of the Shift the Script Event. She was sweet, calm, loving and seemed to be an easy guide, unlike Dreamer. I thought that was a good place to start, easy.
I had traveled to Arizona from Missouri for the event. It was so great to be in the warm sunshine for a few days and connect with some very special soul sisters. I was looking forward to expanding in self awareness while having a break from my normal routine and the cold. It is good for my soul to be in the desert enjoying the beauty.
As I was petting Holly she closed her eyes and rested her head in my hands. I felt such connection. I was fully in my heart. I heard ‘Connection is always available, it’s inside. You can feel connected any time, all you have to do is have that awareness.’ Holly’s message was comforting and aligned with what I know.
When I left Holly’s pen I could see Lynn still handling Dreamer well. She was laughing and amused with his shenanigans. For some reason I was drawn to spend time with him. I squeezed through the fence so I didn’t have to go to the trouble of unlocking multiple locks on his gate. I thought the playful horse might be fun but it didn’t take long for me to become annoyed with him nipping at me.
I stopped petting Dreamer and walked outside. He followed me. I thought since he followed me that must mean he liked me. I like being liked, I’m for sure a recovering people pleaser. It felt good for Dreamer to follow me and want to be by me so I overlooked his behaviors. He just kept pushing and nipping. I became more and more annoyed and told him to stop in a firm voice. After several more warnings, when he still didn’t stop, I climbed back through the fence.
You might think I was annoyed with Dreamer and that’s true. I was annoyed with myself too. You see, what I realized is that I have never been good at setting or holding my boundaries. This has to be about boundaries! I got quiet for a moment and heard my heart whisper, ‘You can’t expect someone to change because of your boundary. The boundary is not about their behavior it’s about what you will or won’t allow. It’s for you, not them.
A flood of memories flashed through my mind of expectations I had around people changing to honor my boundaries. I can’t tell you how many times in my life I have changed or dropped altogether boundaries I set. I gave others countless opportunities to ‘change’. Just so you know, that didn’t work very well for me.
Dreamer showed me in the short time I was with him how I saw boundaries my whole life in a way I understood it. I recognized that boundaries are for me to honor myself. I value myself enough to set clear boundaries. I’m telling you that this awareness is so profound for me that it will change forever how I look at and set boundaries.
I am forever grateful to Janice and her beautiful, highly intuitive horses for ever so gently guiding me to heal aspects of myself that I didn’t know needed healing.